Saturday, November 5, 2011

the whole30, day twenty-nine

Years ago in a series of self-actualization trainings, again and again, I heard something like "Expectations are the seeds of dissatisfaction." I am paraphrasing, but that was the message. I think about that from time to time, and today I'm obsessing over it.

Today, Day 29 of my 30 days on the Whole30, does not fit my expectations. I didn't have a clear mental picture, of course, but I can promise you I did not for a single minute think I would be on day 3 of a killer sinus infection, complete with splitting headache, swollen face, and sleepless nights. Not for one single second did I picture this. I'm considering this a healing crisis; I do hope I'm right. Healing or not, I don't like it, and I am definitely dissatisfied at the moment. What I'd like instead is a warm glow of contentment and that sense of pride and honor that comes with completing a meaningful task. Any idea where I could order that?

Until this passes (oh! please let that be immediate!) there will be no thoughts of celebrating a completion. My plan right now is to tighten this up instead. Writing that, I almost had to laugh. What do I tighten? I prepare everything, I mean EVERYTHING, I eat. With the glaring exception of my bacon fiasco, I am not using anything processed. Virtually everything in my house is organic. I'm waiting to check out the clarified butter rule until next time around because I know I have some issues with dairy. (I did put several packs of pastured butter in my freezer to be ready, since it's seasonal.) My meat, beef and lamb, is grass-fed even though that wasn't a requirement here. Maybe I'll cut out eggs entirely; I've already cut way back. I'm almost at a loss. I am not at a dead-end, though. So many things feel so much better with the Whole30, and I will not give up. I'm wondering though, will Monday be Day 31 or Day 1 all over again?

Still, I'm left thinking about that training and my expectations. Somehow I can't quite put my finger on what I want to take from all of this right now. Maybe it's the headache. Maybe it's the sleeplessness. Maybe it's our weather with highs about 15 degrees less than the lows of two days ago.

Yet in the back of my mind I know, today is Day 29 and headache and sinus infection will soon be history (or so I hope.)


  1. Monday is Day 31. I expect your life changes will be continuous. The 30 days is only the beginning. But I do feel for you - as bad as it has been for me feeling crappy since my Day 1, I can understand how disheartening it would be to be feeling that way after the 30 days.
    I think you should think of it as merely a coincidence that you feel ill today - every second person I speak to is ill - it is the time of year and changeable weather. Get a good night sleep, some homemade soup and think positive!

  2. Thanks, I do appreciate the support.
    I'm up early today, my day 30, and ready to make it a great one, feeling crappy or not. Good luck on your 30 days. Most days, I expect, I'll be following precisely the same guidelines. There's not much I'd be willing to change right now.


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