Saturday, February 8, 2014

getting back to living

Bev in Cambria 
One week ago today, we boarded the Sapphire Princess in San Pedro Harbor and began a 7-day cruise.  Today, we get off this ship and face life again. I'm feeling more each day that it's a true possibility. That is a shift I hadn't seen coming but welcome with open arms.

I have to remind myself with regularity that living life entirely in grief simply serves no one. Living is not forgetting, and grief and remembrance are not one in the same. I'll never forget. I do intend to live.

This cruise has helped in so many ways. The ease of being cared for, the crazily enormous choice in food, the entertainment we mostly ignored, the balmy weather (at least some of the time,) the cordial, helpful staff all gave me the chance to live in a safe cocoon for a few days. Did I mention we never got off the ship? We literally went to one show onboard, avoided most activities, took lots of naps, and soaked up the sun in short bursts. No sun burns, no hangovers, no vacation exhaustion.

Every night during dinner, our head waiter brought me the menus for the next day. My job was to choose what I'd really like to eat. Theirs, he assured me, was to be sure it was prepared safely. I did loosen my dietary restrictions a bit. Gluten was totally out, as was soy, but I didn't push the fruit intolerance. I decided to play that one by ear, keeping it limited on my own. I did consume some fruit, a little lemon here, a bit of olive oil there. And my biggest indiscretion of them all, sorbet for dessert on occasion. And the night he insisted they would make gluten-free tiramisu for me, I gave in and ordered it. No, it's not remotely healthy, and I'm not even a fan of tiramisu, but I love the gesture and their concern that I not only have safe meals but some fun with food, as well.

This morning I'm on my own with my food choices. Our last meal on board will be breakfast, probably at the buffet so I can see it first, before we disembark in a few hours. Then home by way of Whole Foods, a stop at Erika's to pick up Coco, and back to our own kitchen. I'm ready to give living another shot.