dear pamela at 16

A letter to myself at sixteen.

Dear Pamela at sixteen,

You have so many exciting things ahead of you. I know you think of yourself as inept, unattractive, unpopular, and way too skinny. The good news is all these concepts will pass and very quickly, really. Your self-doubt is not going to last a lifetime, believe me. You love to write, and you will continue to write. You love to cook, and you'll continue to cook. You'll also discover soon that others don't view you in nearly as harsh a light as you view yourself. I know you have a hard time believing that.

There's so much I could say, so much I would love to say, but most of it you would not believe. You are going to have a fairly easy life as compared to others, not without hardship, but easy. You may be surprised to see the rebel in you, as well as the leader, come to the surface with a bit of a vengeance. Your love of public speaking and debate will serve you well. You will be loved, you will love, and wholeheartedly. You'll know how it feels to love unconditionally and have that put to the test. You'll come out knowing that, yes, unconditional love exists and is the only love worth the effort.

You'll struggle with health, as you always have, and you'll be relieved to learn that all the lethargy and total lack of strength you're going through now is valley fever, not laziness. It'll take a couple of years for them to figure that out. And at some point you will stop waiting for others to figure it out, and you'll learn to follow your intuition rather than doubting it. I could tell you "eat this, drink that, avoid those" but that means far less than these simple words, trust yourself. Trust that you know when something makes you ill. You know when something makes your heart sing. You know when you can breathe freely. You know that swollen ankles and stomach pain are not ways your body tells you you're in balance. Just listen. Not to those with credentials or degrees or loud followers. Listen to yourself, your body, your spirit, your mind.

And always know you're loved.